I am not a morning person. I’ve never been a morning person. At this point in my life I think it’s safe to assume I will never be a morning person. Conceptually I am okay with morning, I’d just prefer it to come later in the…
"I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder. "
So, kind of a fan, yes.
Bloom County Returns
“Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making HEADLINES.” Just like the comic strip that introduced me to this joke once upon a time: Bloom County. I was a child of the 80s. This fact has never been more evident than it was this…
Juvenile assassin bug, Protector of Kale
Your Friendly Neighborhood Assassin Bug
“Hey, come look at this.” “I’m getting ready to jump in the shower. Can’t it wait?” “No, you need to see this now.” Run downstairs. “What’s up?” “There’s a tiny baby assassin bug in the bathroom.” “You called me downstairs to see an assassin bug.” “Yes.”…
My Cups Runneth Over
In considering the number of times I’ve been called amply endowed in my life, I’ve come up with the following count: Never. Don’t misunderstand me – I am totally fine with this. I get into enough trouble as it is without worrying about additional parts of…
When Dermatologists Attack
“Does this mole look weird?” “Define weird.” “You know. Like, cancerous.” “I don’t think so, but then I don’t know what cancerous looks like.” “I don’t either.” Pause. “What about this one?” “I think that’s a freckle.” “Oh.” Pause. “What about this one?” “Why don’t you…
Vintage 50s Hair-Don’ts
Sometimes, you’re working from home and you take a short break and you think, “Self, I could totally test-drive that super intricate pin-curl video tutorial for the 50s glam hairdo for Evening in the Stacks: Vintage Vegas. You know, the one with bobby pins and hair gel….
Trick or Moo
There is no part of our front porch that isn’t awkward. It was clearly designed by someone who never personally used a front porch, possibly a space alien or a baby manatee. When the doorbell rings, opening the storm door to speak with the person on…
A Trip to the E Arrrrrgh
Once upon a time, a friend had a pirate-themed party to celebrate the release of one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies (Part 17: Captain Grandpa Sparrow versus the Cephalopod of Doom). It was in the middle of the summer, and my mom was in…