“As explosive as a dog sneeze.” There’s a phrase you don’t hear every day, and here’s another: I am no stranger to being sneezed upon by dogs. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I’m haunted by the thought that…
The Perils of Doggie Bath Day
“Someone smells like a dog.” “Why are you looking at me?” Our dogs are pretty clean, overall. They don’t have many chances to get dirty, although in our old house Sophie managed to find stinkbugs in the basement with alarming regularity. She’s smart, though, and soon…
An Open Letter to Dave Barry
Dear Mr. Barry, Where to begin? I suppose the most logical place is this: I swear I am not making this up. I’ve been a fan of yours since I lived in Miami in the 90s. Your ability to sum up the absurdity that is South…
Evening in the Stacks: Sparkle and Spurs
I walk in the doors and inhale, smelling the slightly sweet, dusty scent of old paper. I walk straight to my favorite section and stop in front of a particular shelf, pull down a book and smile at the soft crackle of the plastic-cased cover as…
Will Exercise for Food
I don’t exercise because I love exercise. I exercise because I love food. I like fitness in theory, but to me it’s more of a means to an end. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life flailing around in my living room to…
Shiloh Happened
I’d meant to write an AMAZING end-of-the-year post, reflecting on my successes and failures of the past year while promising to do better in the next. Blah blah blah. You know the drill. Earth-shattering insights! Insanely simple yet profound suggestions! And then, Shiloh happened. For those…
A Name By Any Other Name
“You have a boy’s name.” “Did your parents want a boy?” “Your last name is spelled wrong.” I have a unique name. I love it now, but I didn’t always. “Michael-Anne Rubenstien, get in here this instant!” For starters, I think we’re negatively conditioned as children…
‘Tis the Season
“Ladle ladle ladle, I made it out of clay!” I’m seven years old. My elementary school decides to be respectful of other faiths by including a Jewish part in the annual Christmas play. By virtue of my last name – Rubenstien – I am selected to…