“Hey, Mickey, would you mind serving as an emcee for an event in a couple of weeks?” “I’d love to. What should I wear?” “I’m sure whatever you choose will be fine.” Wrong. I have the uncanny ability to pick the exact wrong thing to wear…
You Say You Want a Resolution?
A couple of days ago I was in a liquor store marveling at the sheer number of pinot noir wines that appear to be named in homage to Stephen King. I was organizing a mini photo-shoot (as one does) when a sales associate approached me. “Hi, can…
Celebrating Gran
Anyone who knows me knows how much my Gran meant to me. Even at 99, she was feisty and lived on her own and had even planned to go on a cruise in October. Sadly, that was not to be. She left us on November 15th,…
What do you do when your dog has cancer?
“Mrs. Gomez? This is the vet’s office. We have the results from the biopsy and need to speak with you. Please call us back as soon as you can?” Considering we’d only gone in on Tuesday and this was Thursday, this was not good news. Generally…
"I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder. "
Blending the Rules
I am not a morning person. I’ve never been a morning person. At this point in my life I think it’s safe to assume I will never be a morning person. Conceptually I am okay with morning, I’d just prefer it to come later in the…
So, kind of a fan, yes.
Bloom County Returns
“Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making HEADLINES.” Just like the comic strip that introduced me to this joke once upon a time: Bloom County. I was a child of the 80s. This fact has never been more evident than it was this…
Juvenile assassin bug, Protector of Kale
Your Friendly Neighborhood Assassin Bug
“Hey, come look at this.” “I’m getting ready to jump in the shower. Can’t it wait?” “No, you need to see this now.” Run downstairs. “What’s up?” “There’s a tiny baby assassin bug in the bathroom.” “You called me downstairs to see an assassin bug.” “Yes.”…
My Cups Runneth Over
In considering the number of times I’ve been called amply endowed in my life, I’ve come up with the following count: Never. Don’t misunderstand me – I am totally fine with this. I get into enough trouble as it is without worrying about additional parts of…